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2021.11.29 15:03 Accomplished-Okra477 Wife does not respect me
My marriage is falling apart and I have come to the end. I am no longer at a crossroads of deciding whether I should put in more effort in trying to fight for this relationship. I no longer wonder about what exactly it was that I did wrong. Nor do I place blame on myself for our deteriorating relationship, because I realize now there are just some things I cannot change about her. I have just come to accept this as our fate, that we were not meant for this relationship.
We are an interracial couple who have been together for 5 years now. We have been through all the ups and downs of a normal couple before getting married 2 years ago and have a very healthy and beautiful baby boy whom we both love dearly. I lived in her country for 1.5 years and had enough respect for her culture to learn her language to which I can speak it with high proficiency. We got married and currently live in Canada.
In the past, I worked in several agency referred full time office positions during the day from 9-5 pm, and part time at Walmart during the nights from 6 pm-11 or 11:30 pm, in order to make money to support her and our child (she was pregnant at the time). We lived in a condo and my one and only dream was to give them a better life. After working at Walmart for over 2 years and all the blood, sweat and tears—as well as having to put up with all the empty promises, lies, and being treated as less than human by managers and customers—I was unfairly fired from Walmart 2 weeks after the birth of son in the middle of COVID. I had also lost all the passion I once had in working there as I was one of the few people who actually worked hard, doing several people’s jobs as these so-called “managers” just sat comfortably in their offices. As the sole provider of the family, life got a lot more difficult and stressful but I still worked hard to ensure that there would always be food on the table, and therefore, it was during this time that I racked up more credit card debt than usual. However, with one bad situation, I was able to turn it around by finding a permanent full time job with the federal government. My son is very lucky for me in this respect and a true blessing. During this time, the COVID situation only got worse. With the birth of my son, we moved back into my parents home to lighten the financial burden of starting a family. My father even gave us his room and moved into a smaller room because of the baby. I was very thankful and we lived better than before, but my wife would often voice her disapproval and her desire for us to purchase our own home and move out.
Rough notes on our relationship…
- She suffered from postpartum depression
- My parents are financially stable and we eat well
- When we fight, sometimes I think to myself… maybe I will be the next person to show up on your smart phone alert notifications for “kidnapping” their own child
- Lately, arguing has just become a routine daily occurrence. It is always about money or something completely irrelevant, always initiated by my wife and it feels like she is just arguing with me for the sake of arguing, to the point where I feel like it does not have to make sense why we argue. The person I once loved so deeply, is now long gone and that the person I married, is a complete stranger. Sometimes it feels like I’m sharing the same bed with a complete stranger.
- She is always creating her own narrative and twisting the truth to where she is the victim and everyone close to her somehow owes her something or has wronged her in some way.
- Found text messages on her phone that talked badly about my mom
- Wife made it seem like me and my family owe her more in spite of everything we have given her / even though she does not cook or do any chores and does not work—and has life pretty good—yet she still complains
- Physically and emotionally abusive relationship for me and my family
- Sometimes I feel like she is subconsciously trying to test my limits to see if I will actually hit back—perhaps as an excuse to divorce and take our child away from me—but I refuse to be like the trash that her father is.
- Today, we were caught up in another fight over something very childish… (passport photos). She started yelling at me again even though I was holding my son in my arms. She hit me a couple of times, and I did nothing. It was not until she pushed me hard enough for my head to hit my son’s head that I PUSHED her back in self-defence in order to create distance and protect my son. (Please note the distinction between pushing and hitting. I did not hit her). Immediately, she starts crying and calling her mom over the phone making it seem like I hit her. (I don’t understand why everything is always made to seem like it is my fault). This is not the first time either. Fortunately, my son was not physically hurt. I really considered calling the police to drag her out.
- Again, she tells me how regretful she is marrying me, how much she wants to take our son away from me and bring him back to her country, how low class I am, how her family hates me, how her ex-boyfriends are better than me in every way, compares me with her father and says I am not even human, and how if our son was never born she would divorce me right away… she even tells me she hates my face, the sound of my voice, and the sound of my breathing. Despite all the blood, sweat and tears I’ve placed into my career and sacrifices I have had to make in order to provide my family with a brighter future. What did I do to deserve this?
- She even neglects our son sometimes when she is upset by locking the door and spending 2-3 hours in the washroom just looking at herself in the mirror
- she even gives my son Tylenol to play with (the red adult tablets) and opens the lid for him… these are not fucking M n M’s
- Lives in a fantasy world... unrealistic goals... shows how immature she really is when she says she “expects me to treat her like a princess 24/7”... very selfish... only thing she understands is her own needs
- We plan to only live in my parent’s home temporarily and have plans to purchase our own home one day.
- I work a lot of overtime and make 70 k / year, but I will go home immediately whenever she says she doesn’t want me to do overtime.
- She will buy her shoes, clothes, baby products and everything else using my credit card and still complain that I have so much debt without taking into account that I’m not the one who is buying all this stuff.
- After marriage, I was realized how disappointed she was because I didn’t have my own house but not once was I made aware of this expectation before marriage. She uses this as justification for her rude behaviour towards me and oftentimes calls this relationship a “fraudulent marriage,” but was I not also deceived? I based my reasoning for marrying her on the values of love, respect, commitment, trust, etc. when I said “I do.” Yet, I do not see her showing any of these values towards me.
- Currently, I am one or two payments away from repaying off my VISA, yet she is still yelling and screaming at me because of money and everything else.
- I live with someone who does not hide how much she hates me, but will not hesitate to leech off of me and belittle me in front of strangers (ie. at the mall, restaurant, park, family, etc.)
- Always talking badly about me and my family over the phone to her mom
- Her mom (acts the same as my wife and I see where she gets it from) — beaten by her father to the point of hospitalization (with broken bones) on several occasions. Always whispering bullshit into my wife’s ears like how she should divorce me as soon as possible and take my son away from me.
- Her brother used to be some kind of gangster / debt collector type who worked for some casino and has since become successful selling stuff online — I did not ask too much in detail.
- Her father is lazy and does not want to work. He is always unsuccessful at everything he has ever done and never seems to be able to hold a job for long. Comes home and expects money from his wife to go drinking. Beat his wife on their wedding night to the point where she had to go back to her mother’s place and considered divorcing him. (Not sure if you would call this a dysfunctional family or not).
- I don’t want my son to be brought up in an environment like that, nor do I want my son to turn out like my wife.
My psychological analysis of my wife - My wife does not have the emotional maturity to take care of my son. - She has made me into a person who must live in fear. Fear of voicing my own opinions and having to think carefully about what I want to say to her in fear of sparking another argument - I feel like I am constantly being told to conform to an idealized, grandiose image of an inflated self-image she has created for herself in order to avoid deep feelings of insecurity. For instance, I am constantly being told how to dress, what to eat, where to sleep, how to talk, walk, breathe, etc. It has developed so far that I even have to ask for permission to use the washroom when I am with her. - I am always subjected to undeserved responsibility, blame, or criticism. - I also believe my wife has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in the sense where she has a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration that shows how self-centered and arrogant she is. More specifically, it is entirely possible that she is a vulnerable narcissist in the sense that she is distrusting, insecure, resentful, has a sense of shame, very hypersensitive to criticism, being defensive, cold, distant, unforgiving, and having internalized anger. - She seems to care more about her reputation and how others view her than the actual health and safety of my son. Despite all the warnings on the news, my wife still takes this COVID situation very lightly by endangering the life of my child. She always takes my baby outside to the park, mall or supermarket, without a mask (on my baby) despite having the option of having my parents look after our baby for a couple of hours. Yet when I address this issue with her, she tells me she hates my parents or that she doesn’t trust them and will get mad at me... then breaks out another argument about nothing. She has also nurtured my baby into being very spoiled in the sense that he is no longer able to sit in the car seat without crying for excessive periods. My wife will hold him in her arms as I’m driving, which can be very dangerous for the baby.
- Physically and emotionally abusive to me - I am a big guy and can take the physical abuse, but the emotional, verbal abuse is more than I can handle
- My son is everything to me and I don’t want to lose him. But I can no longer take this...
- She is emotionally and physiologically unstable and needs help.
- Will make up her own narrative to fit her story—in one argument, she rationalized the reason why I was ignoring her was because of money, but in reality, I ignored her because she was being rude to me and disrespecting my mom.
- Says I should have purchased a house by now (I am 34) if I wanted to marry her. Says this is a “fraudulent marriage” because I’m poor and I have a lot of student and credit card debt. But when I tell her the only way we could ever afford to buy a house is if she works as well, and then we save up for the deposit for 3-4 years, she gets very upset… but in reality, half of my debt comes from the hospital bills incurred from childbirth and buying stuff for her and my child. The only purchases I make for myself is for food (lunch or dinner)
- She is lazy and does not want to work or learn English. Room is always messy, towels are always soaking wet, and clothes from the laundry are just sitting there for weeks in the baskets waiting to be folded (to which I either do not say anything to her about it because I do not want to spark another argument or I try to help out as much as I can when I am at home). All she does is eat, sleep, and complain 24 / 7.
- Life after marriage has become sexless, leaving me reminiscing about the past or if I never married her.
- She does not respect me — says I am pulling her down and how low class I am despite me being well educated and having a federal government job.
- Does not respect my culture and has said racist things to me in the past
- Talks about divorce whenever we fight or during normal conversation like it’s a very casual thing. One time when we were arguing, I said “you can leave any time you want, but the baby stays here,” resulting in a cancelled doctor’s appointment — very hard to get as my doctor is now semi retired and only works one day a week
- made a big fuss (even months after) over not receiving priority treatment from the doctor because my dad had to get an x-ray for what the doctor thought could be a stomach ulcer or some kind of cancer
- puts me down and says she is a victim of a bad marriage. She tells me all the time that she regrets marrying me
- Constantly compares me with her fantasies of other men (ie. exes, celebrities, doctors, lawyers) and how I should act, dress, etc.
- Tells me how much of an embarrassment I am (ie. When my pants zipper is not zipped up — says this is reason for divorce) to her even though I am the one only one in our family who is working and she is just shopping online
- Our conversations are never about how her words and actions make other people feel, but rather how depressed and stressed she is feeling every day… even though I have never pressured her to “get a job”
- Threatens divorce and says she will take the baby back to her country every time we get into an argument
- Blames me for the fact that her parents are not able to come and see the baby because of COVID... to which I genuinely ask her, “what am I supposed to do.. your parents are halfway around the world. How is this my fault?”
- She has a terrible personality. Had I known this and what our life will be like, I would have never married her
- Note on my home life: We live in a nice area, in a big home, with food always in the fridge (2 fridges), and fresh fruit of various kinds just sitting there every day. All you need to do is get up from your ass and get it yourself. This is more than I can say for a lot of households.
- So many people are unable to even have children, and yet our baby is so healthy, highly intelligent, and beautiful that people often/almost always mistake him for a girl. My son can also go into modelling if he chooses.
- I don’t understand what more she could possibly want… I have provided her with everything I can, yet she still wants more.
- I realize our relationship lacks communication, as we speak different languages and she does not speak English, but I am making the effort to bridge the gap by learning her language. However, whenever I try to explain something to her or about how I am feeling, she automatically closes off the conversation and starts to belittle me (without even listening to what I have to say) and address her own point of view instead.
- Most hurtful is when she told me she no longer loves me and that she’s realized this a while now. So what was I still fighting for all this time?
- Wrote article on Reddit to ask people for marriage advice in the hopes of saving my marriage, but was quickly deleted after three days as I realized how angry my wife was. I have since reconciled that this marriage is beyond saving... she won’t accept help, won’t admit her mistakes, making this relationship very toxic... and I don’t have the time or patience to play this game with her anymore.
- Sometimes I feel like she is testing my limits to see if I will actually hit back. On another occasion as she was yelling and screaming at me, I held onto my son to comfort him because he was crying. Despite seeing this, she just continued hitting me even though I was holding my son in my arms. This is not the first time either. Fortunately, my son was unhurt. I really considered calling the police to drag her out.
Relationship with my parents
- my wife does not respect my mom and constantly calls her mom to tell her how much she hates my mom.
- my parents actually treat her much better than she deserves given the amount of disrespect she shows towards them
- screamed at my mom’s face once even though she is fully aware that my mom has a medical condition
- Completely ignores my family and refuses to eat with us on occasion
- My wife acts like she already owns my parent’s house and throws tantrums whenever she feels like it.
- Tells me she would like to have a house like my parent’s and that she would like for her parents to come to Canada to live with us in the future… but when I asked “what about my mom/ dad?”, she says she hates my mom so much and that my parents will have to leave… even though my parents welcomed her and our baby into our home.
- Why she hates my mom so much is unreasonable. My mom has never yelled at my wife or forced her to clean, cook, do chores, etc. Instead, I am the one who most often cleans and helps my mom with the chores around the house.
- One time, my wife was having one of her mood swings and said I should go to the mental asylum with my mom. My mom still defended her that day.
- Sometimes, judging by the way she talks, it seems like she is waiting for my parents to die in order to get whatever is left to us in the Will
- That is not surprising given how she talks about her grandma and the inheritance (or lack thereof) she left to her mom. Ironically, her grandma is still alive.
- I am now 35. In the case that I do decide on a divorce, I have no regrets about my decision as I know I put in the time and effort to try to fix this relationship to the best of my ability. However, there comes a time when you realize that no matter how much you put into a relationship, it will always be the same result. Nothing will ever change... because she is not open to listening. I want all of this to be documented somewhere. At least you will know my reasoning for divorcing her. It was always only about her needs, wants and desires. And so this is why I am writing this. Because I deserve better!
I am done trying to understand what happened in her childhood to make her became like this. I have fought this war countless times but always come to the same conclusion in the end, that the odds are too insurmountable, and that every time I try to talk calmly to her about our situation, I am told I am not good enough, and am met with a barrage of words that pierce deeper than machine gun bullets and cut into my heart like sharp serrated knives. That is the pain I am feeling because she refuses to listen to what I have to say. View Poll
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to Marriage [link] [comments]
2021.11.29 15:03 No-Chemist-7201 Anyone who uses Kidlogic as a daycare in East Kingston
Fair warning, the owner is planning a mass exodus of children in the coming weeks, as she wants to trim back her numbers and her staff. If you have a kid there, start researching alternative daycare providers.
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2021.11.29 15:03 OYNozan Different charts at different parities
2021.11.29 15:03 smartguynycbackupnow Hey Gar, it’s Art. Won’t be able to make it into work today - I'm going to be at a QAnon rally. Talk to you later.
2021.11.29 15:03 chapmanfunk Have 2 extras for Billy Strings (TUESDAY) 11/30
2 GA tix available, paid $55 each (after fees). Will take $100 for the pair. They are email tickets. I can email them, or I can meet up before show and hand them to you if you're nervous about receiving pdf tickets.
BMFS, let's go!!!
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2021.11.29 15:03 zachbac Burks the new starting PG? Grimes Time
2021.11.29 15:03 AstroCookieGalaxy Thomas: Space Enthusiast by Day, Sleep Paralysis Demon of Flat Earthers by Night
2021.11.29 15:03 skwairwav Does my coolant need to be flushed/replaced if it was empty when I added more?
Kind of a weird situation, but my car went through some work recently so I am not sure how this happened by I found my coolant resevoir to be completely empty a week or two later. I foudn out since my engine was wayyyy hotter than I've ever seen it get. I replaced the coolant with the green kind and apparently Honda (civic) uses blue. The car manual says if I don't use the Honda type specified, I could use any 50/50 version for my engine/metal type. I've read some things online that it doesn't matter too much as long as they are the same colors aka not to mix coolants. I'm not sure if I need to get the system flushed since I don't exactly know HOW dry/empty the radiator was.
Everything is running fine and nothing is leaking, so I don't exactly know how it was empty, especially with the recent car work and oil change done within a month prior, but do I need to re-replace the coolant?
submitted by skwairwav to AskMechanics [link] [comments]
2021.11.29 15:03 GameOnBrother CD Projekt Red is Scaling Back Cyberpunk 2077 Support to Work On Expansion
2021.11.29 15:03 chairbornebg ТАСС: Путин и Лукашенко обсъдиха ситуацията на белоруско-полската граница
submitted by chairbornebg to segabgforum [link] [comments]
2021.11.29 15:03 CallMeMcLovin- Do you think new blood will end with Harrison killing Dexter?
It seems probable, you can tell Harrison is slowly turning into a someone evil. And there's still something about him that I can't get my head around but I hope we find out in the later episodes.
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2021.11.29 15:03 Queeniekween BDong be like
2021.11.29 15:03 YaBoi_Maxamus I managed to get a disc edition from Walmarts drop, but what are the chances of it being canceled?
2021.11.29 15:03 UchihaItachi1638 Rachel Leigh
2021.11.29 15:03 IntelligentEar1882 CS 309 Final
CS 309 Final Exam - Kevin Preston 📷
Anyone on here ever taken this course, or know anyone who has?
I know it's comprehensive, and I feel well rounded, but just wanted to take some slight chance and see if I could get more insight on what the heavy focus was on, or what not.
submitted by IntelligentEar1882 to UAH [link] [comments]
2021.11.29 15:03 merelyjoking13 Cat Converter Replace
Around April, I put diesel in my 2021 Toyota CH-R went for about 2-3 km and had it towed to my dealer. They drained it and did an oil change.
On November 19 the check engine light went on, I went to my dealer on November 25 and was told it was the gas cap not being properly closed. So I had that fixed and the very next day the check engine lights came on again.
Went back to the shop today and was told that there was a problem with the cat converter. They said that the Cat converter may have been damaged due to the wrong fuel in the fuel system.
They suggested that I fill the fuel and run the car on the highway for long distance. and if the check engine light came on again then I will need to replace it. Didn't even make it to the highway and the check engine came on again at around 10 km.
TL:DR Cat Converter damaged due to wrong fuel in the fuel system and needs to be replaced.
Is it still OK to drive without getting the cat converter replace?
How soon should I get it replaced?
Will there be lasting damages?
Any Advice would be appreciated.
2021 Toyota Ch-R 14500 km 2.0L 4-Cylinder
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2021.11.29 15:03 chairbornebg От срещата Заев - Гаши: Постигната е принципна договореност относно програмните аспекти на възможното сътрудничество
submitted by chairbornebg to segabgforum [link] [comments]
2021.11.29 15:03 NinaHMonte Calling all New Mexico paralegals
Hi all, not even sure if this kinda thing is allowed here, so please let me know if I need to delete.
I've decided to take my professional career in a different direction and my company has an opening coming up for my role. I LOVED the role, just realized legal wasn't my path anymore. The pay is better than anything I've heard in the state, and the benefits package is extremely comprehensive. Fully remote, maybe a couple days in-office if they decide to do that. I really hope to find someone awesome to take my place. Feel free to message me for additional details, as I don't believe they will finalize the job posting for a couple days.
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2021.11.29 15:03 pepskoo Aegis solo 2 (s100) TC mode
Hi! I've just been looking at user manual of my newly bought Aegis s100 and got worried as I couldn't find anything about TC mode. I bought it solely thinking about the TC mode and seen some shops stating it supports TC mode. So is it possible with that model? And if it is I would also like to know if the maximum resistance in TC mode is 3ohms or is it different than wattage mode? Cheers
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2021.11.29 15:03 GTSBot [GTS] Still easier than exiting VIM
2021.11.29 15:03 Curay Genre ID?
I've been having trouble ID'ing the genre of a few songs lately. Best I could do would be something like Deep House/Ambient House, but that doesn't quite feel right.
Songs in question:
Antagonistic - Chris Cardona
Dreamathon - leebroman ft. Broosnica
Dauwd has some songs that work like above, specifically Lydia, but I'd struggle to place him in a subgenre too.
submitted by Curay to electronicmusic [link] [comments]
2021.11.29 15:03 pining4thefiords this was a train wreck and i need an explanation
2021.11.29 15:03 chairbornebg Die Presse (Австрия): В Австрия предвиждат сериозна глоба за отказ от ваксинация
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2021.11.29 15:03 AoCCoM What's your thoughts if I add in Alexander Anderson as the new Teacher of UA?